A Letter to the Person Who Has To Sit Next To Me at Graduation

Hello Fellow Graduate.

I am so deeply sorry that you will be unfortunate enough to be the one who has to sit next to me during graduation. You deserve a medal. A Cookie. And a cake.

I will be grumpy. I hate ceremonies. I hate crowds. I hate attention. I hate school spirit because I don't have any and am so tired of having it shoved down my throat for four years. I also don't really like this school so much, so you know, seeing all the purple pride puts me in a bad mood. Sorry.

I will also be cynically excited that I am finally leaving. All my smiles and excitement will come not from success or nostalgic farewells or any of that. They will be "yes, I'm finally getting out of here, adios bitchachos" smiles. Sorry.

I won't be crying and won't have tolerance for your crying. Sorry.

I will probably mutter things, sigh heavily, roll my eyes, sarcastically laugh/scoff/jeer, and clap as if I'm dying. There will probably be a swear or two as well. Sorry.

So yeah. Sorry you have to put up with this. Like I said, you deserve something delicious and a commemorative badge.

Happy Graduation.

See you in two years,

Me, disgruntled.

A Letter To Taryn, for Whenever She Needs It

To My Most Dearest Friend,

You are beautiful. From your gap-toothed smile, to your blonde streak at the front of your head; from your always-bare feet to your freckled shoulders; from your creative mind to your dancing soul -- you are beautiful.

And no one can take that away from you.

No one.

We all know that you're not exactly innocent, I mean, trust me, I've been there at four a.m. when you're hungry, hyper, and maybe a little drunk and all you want is pizza but no one has any and you're so angry not even Supernatural can calm you down. The words I've heard from your mouth could make a sailor cry.

But even then, you're still beautiful.

The type of beautiful you are can't be fully captured in a photograph, nor can it be fully expressed on a resume, a report card, on a canvas, in a dance, or in words. Each of these things may reveal a little bit of your beauty, but compared to all the beauty you have, these little snapshots barely capture anything at all.

But I'm going to try and explain it anyways.

Your type of beauty is the type of beauty that makes people cry at sunsets and they have no idea why. Your type of beauty is the type of beauty that compels an artist to paint the same landscape through out their entire life. Your type of beauty is the type of beauty that sends shivers down the spines of people listening to really good poetry. Your type of beauty is the type of beauty that exists in the euphoria of a perfectly executed orchestral piece. Your type of beauty is the satisfaction of Dean and Sam hugging after Dean gets out of hell. Your type of beauty is the view from on top of the sun pyramid at midday. Your type of beauty is the first flower after winter, the first star after sunset, and the first drop of rain after a drought.

And any one who doesn't appreciate all of this, all of you, for everything you are and everything you feel and think and say and do, does not deserve to have you in their life.

And at any time if you ever feel like you're not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, creative enough, funny enough, kind enough, confident enough, loving enough, just now that you ARE enough. You are so wonderfully enough. Yes, you are not perfect, but you are everything it means to be perfectly flawed. You will fail, and you have failed before - but you will do so gracefully, beautifully. You will also succeed. You will succeed so amazingly that everyone who knows you will feel a light inside them start to glow.

And I am so, so, so proud of you. Everything you do, everything you are, everything you feel, think, and believe - I am so proud of you. One of my favorite things to do is tell people about you. "Look at her. Look at my beautiful friend. Isn't she wonderful? Look at all she has done! Look at all she is! Isn't she amazing?"And when I think about you, talk about you, look at you, interact with you I just feel all this happiness, all this pride, all this love just swell up inside me and I just want to share you with everyone but at the same time keep you all to myself. But I guess that is what being wives is all about.

So please. Always know that you are beautiful. Always know that I love you. Always know that you can do anything you set your mind to. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Never stop believing in yourself. Never doubt yourself. You are one of the most beautiful young women I know and you have already done so many fantastic things, and you will only continue to be amazing.

I love you with all of my soul, you are truly what it means to have a soul mate.

Sincerely and with a great big huge,

Your Wifey.

A Letter to My Future Rescue Dog

To My Little Munchkin,

I am aware, you are probably not a going to be a little munchkin. You will probably be huge and galumphing.

But you will be a little munchkin to me. 

And if you don't have a name, I'll give you one. Or a better one if the name you already have just is terrible. I might call you Gremlin. Or Bones. Or Watson. 

And I will love you so very much. 

You will have captured me the moment I saw those scared, excited, lonely eyes through the cage at the animal shelter. You will be so beautiful, so cute, and so needing of love I will just have to take you home. 

Honestly it'll probably be one of the best decisions of my life. 

I'll take you to the lake, to the park, to my parents' house. My dad will never stop complaining about you, and my mother won't like that you'll probably be a little slobbery and dirty. But you'll be perfect and they'll love you because I love you. 

And you'll probably test my patience. And eat my clothes. And my house. And my furniture. And my work. And my food. 

But hey, you'll also be there when I have not a friend in the world. You'll cuddle with me when I'm sick, tired, or sad. You'll never judge me for my terrible dance moves, messy room, or bad taste in movies. And I'll never hold your drool, your shedding, or your barking against you. 

I promise to always give you treats and feed you good dog food and spoil you from time to time with some people food. I will make sure you're healthy, take you on rides in the car, and run around with you in the backyard. 

I will at some point bring home a man and he will eventually end up staying forever. He will love you. He'll have to. And you'll love him. You'll have to. (But spoiler alert, you'll still be my favorite.)

And after that a small, squishy, screaming humanoid that pulls tails and ears and snouts will also be brought home. And you will hate everything for a little while. But then you'll be best friends with this little water sack with legs. And this lump of squish will grow up slowly with you and start resembling a little human. (And spoiler alert: this small little ridiculous thing will be everyone's favorite, including yours). 

We are going to have such a great time.

I can't wait. 

Lovingly,

Your future owner who anxiously awaits the day she adopts you.

A Letter to My First Boyfriend, Be You 3 Days in the Future or 3 Years

Dear New Significant Other,

You are the first. Congratulations.

Also, sorry.

Guess what? You get to deal with a lot. I am awkward, socially uncomfortable, anxious, depressed, weird, nerdy, and I really love acting like a dinosaur sometimes.

But I do understand that acting like a dinosaur does not spice up the love life (regardless of what my friend Kira says).

Anyways, by now you've probably learned all of this. And yet here you are. Despite it all. Wow.

I probably won't believe you when you ask if we can do this whole "relationship" thing. I'll probably tell you that. And I'll probably stare at you in shock for a little bit, doing my creepy no blinking thing. But just be reassured, I'm not offended. I'm not analyzing you. I'm not thinking anything inherently negative. I'm just scared. Scared and elated and paralyzed with fear and anxiety and disbelief.

But I really, really, really like you, so I'm going to say yes. I'm going to agree to try.

But. Still terrified.

And I'm hoping you can understand why. You are the first. The first one to look at me and want to spend a considerable amount of energy on me. You know me and you still want to be with me, and that's a first for me. You've probably seen me on my rare days of lady clothes and good manners and legs shaved and wearing makeup with my hair controlled. But what you've probably seen more are the days where I am utterly disgusting, with hair that hasn't been brushed in two days, wearing sweatpants that haven't been washed in two weeks, every flaw on my skin unhidden by makeup, my eyes sagging and red from sleep deprivation, my legs hairy and rough from neglect. You've probably seen me have an anxiety attack. You've probably seen me unflinchingly angry. You've probably seen me completely geek out over something. You are the first one to look at all of this, think about it, and choose to care about it that way.

And you'll also know that I'm pretty closed up. I'm a very tightly guarded fortress and I'm beginning to trust you but, man oh man, is it scary. And I'm going to have to let that go. I'm going to have to let you in. And there is no guarantee you'll stick around after that.

But you've stuck around so far so there's that.

So, yeah, that's a lot to take in. A lot of heavy stuff. But don't get me wrong. You're my first boyfriend and that is really super duper exciting! Do you know how into cuddles I am? Well. You'll find out. (Spoiler Alert: I F*cking LOVE cuddling.)

And I will want to hold your hand all the time. Because wow, your hands are great, you're great, and I want the world to know just how great I think you are. But I'm shy so instead of literally clinging to you like a koala and screaming "MY BOYFRIEND IS WONDERFUL" at the top of my lungs as we walk through town I will just sneak my hand out from my side a bit and hold yours, or maybe just loop my pinkie finger around your pinkie finger. But you have to keep the koala image in mind because that is how I really feel.

And if you ever want to put your arm around my shoulder you can totally do that because I am so into that. It's like cuddling while walking. (See above statement about cuddling.) I'm also really into hugs. Hugs are great. And if you let me play with your hair I will literally be the happiest person on Earth.

But I'm ticklish so please be careful. I cannot control myself when tickled, and I would hate to do you harm just because you put your hand on the wrong part of my waist.

And wow. I get to kiss you now. Like, whenever I want (with your permission of course). Wow. And I mean, hey, feel free to kiss me whenever you want. Wow.

But please don't expect too much. Because remember, you're my first boyfriend. The first one. So. I don't know what I'm doing. And please don't hold that against me. I'll do my best. I promise.

Also: something I really want you to keep in mind. While it is important that you are gentle with me, don't be afraid. Obviously if I'm entering into this grand trial of love with you, then I trust you. And I'm sure since you know me and you probably know a lot about my past and how I tend to feel things very deeply, you're a little or a lot afraid of hurting me. But don't be scared. Please. Trust my trust in you, and don't be afraid. This is a great risk, but that's what all relationships are. And I want you to go through this without hesitation. Without fear. Without concern. Because I will have enough of that for all of the world's population.

I have a few expectations, of course, but also I have a few promises. I expect you to watch terrible movies with me, and old TV shows, and I expect you to watch great movies with me with the same amount of excitement that I will have. I expect you to let me make my own choices when it comes to my body, my clothes, and my emotions. I expect you to bring me back down to earth, to pull me out from under the bed when I'm distressed, and to put me back in my place when I get too angry or spiteful. I expect you let me take care of you, to let me worry, to let me help. I also expect you to be just as excited about being a nerd with me, or at the very least be unashamed to be seen in public with me when I am excited about being a nerd.

I promise to take care of you. I promise to put your head back on your shoulders when you've lost your mind. I promise to make you grilled cheese sandwiches or midnight pizza. I promise to watch you play video games, and yes, even play if you really want that to be a thing. I promise to pull you out of dark places. I promise to read any book you give me. I promise to not nag you about your facial hair, the wrinkles in your clothes, or if your shoes are tied. I promise to respect your space. I promise to try and not be jealous. I promise to try in general. I promise to draw you pictures of dinosaurs when your sad, write you little notes to give you an encouragement in the middle of the day, and I promise to make you awesome music playlists when you just have too many feels.

Okay. So now that we've covered all of that, I think I only have a few more things to say.

1. Thank you. Because you are awesome. You are giving me my first chance at this. You are the first. And I am so thankful it is you.

2. Let's not think too hard about what's going to happen, and just take this one day at a time, okay?

3. Let's go cuddle.

Sincerely yours,

Your new girlfriend, before she's your girlfriend.

A Letter To My First House

Dear First House,

You are perfect.

Okay. So you're not.

But that's okay, because neither am I. We can work on this.

I am so very proud to call you mine. Sorry that you probably won't be as proud to be called mine. I'm kinda messy, sort of, a lot. But you'll look pretty. I'll decorate your walls with art. I'll cover your floors in carpets. I'll paint your sides in as many different shades of obnoxious orange as I can find, slightly off hue from each other (just enough to be noticeable, but not enough to be obvious) just to frustrate the neighbors. You will probably not have a garden. But you will have a backyard with some grass, a small tree, and two dogs.

You are old, but that's okay because there is wisdom with age.

You annoy my husband. But he'll live. He'll grow to love you. More because he'll have to fix you when I can't and take care of you while I'm away.

You will always smell nice, because I'll always be cooking, or at the very least have really comforting air freshener.

You will never be completely dark. I will hang lantern lights on your porch, and christmas lights along the tops of your living room walls, and light candles in the dining rooms.

You will never be completely empty.

The dogs may chew on you a little bit, and so may the kids, but we'll patch you up again.

Together we will make a home.

I can't wait to live in you.

Sincerely,

Me, a ways away from finding you.

A Letter to Our Child's First Teacher

Dear Unknown Kindergarten Teacher,

Our child is special. I know you've heard that before. But it's true. He (or she) is special and beautiful and smart and creative and don't you dare take any of that away from him (or her). He does not need your approval. He will sit when you tell him to sit, eat when you tell him to eat, and be quiet when you ask for silence. He will not however, paint the grass green or the sky blue just because you said so. He will draw mommy with no neck and daddy with seven fingers. He can build and he can take down. He will probably glue his hand to the piece of paper and you will not make him feel stupid for doing so, instead you will congratulate him on his exploration and ask him what he's learned. He will not be happy if he feels sad. He will not be expected to be excited about something just because everyone else is. He will not play with the other kids if the other kids are mean to him. He will not play with the other kids if he feels like playing alone. In fact, as long as he is safe, he will play however and with whoever he wants. He will play with dolls, he will play with tools, he will dangle from the jungle gym and lay like a log on the floor. He will play doctor, parent, child, artist, cook, judge, cop, soldier, supermodel, movie star, musician, dog, cat, giraffe. He will be nice to girls. He will be nice to boys. He will be nice to children. He will be nice to adults. He will read. He will write. He will count. You should laugh at his jokes, no matter how terrible. You should listen to his stories. You should listen to everything he says because he'll probably say something really important. If asks to spell a word for you, listen. If he gets it wrong tell him so, but don't call him stupid. Correct him gently and encourage him to try again. He will cry. He will shout. He will laugh. Do not tell him any of this wrong. Dialogue with him about his feelings and help him express himself in a healthy way. If he hits someone do not simply tell him to apologize, explain to him why it was wrong and help him understand the importance of apology and humility. Let him be proud of his work whether it is the best in the class or the worst. If he wants to read instead of nap, draw instead of nap, eat instead of nap, let him. Maybe he's just not tired.

Do not suppress my child. Do not discourage him. Do not hold our faults against him. Do not take all that is special about him away. Do not let any of the others do this either.

Do teach him how to be a cooperative and helpful classmate. Do teach him how to be safe. Do teach him how to learn. Do teach him the things we can't. Do teach us the better ways to help him. Do teach him that he can do whatever he wants. Do protect him. Do chastise him when he is in the wrong and do hold him responsible for his actions. Do send him home as a better person than who he was when we dropped him off.

Thank you.

Sincerely yours,

Two Very Appreciative Parents of a Very Special Child

Never Forget What Your Dad Said.

Dear Liz,

I love you. That's my world sugared down to three words. Now let me expand that a bit. I love you, because you are part of me, because you are part of Trudie, because you are part of Grampa, Grammy, PaPa, and NaNa. I love you because you are YOU, with a little bit of all these people that I love. You are Liz Baker, a person with incredible character and love. I have been, and always will be, proud of you for this reason. Everything else, sometimes important, sometimes not so much, is simply window dressing.

A wise old Marine buddy of mine once told me, after you were born, to never wish your daughter to be great, famous, super intelligent, wealthy or beautiful. Instead, wish her to be happy and satisfied with who she is, who she is with, and what she does in life.

If you had recieved "C's" all the way through school instead of "A's", I would have been proud. I'm proud of your drawings and artistic ability, but I would still be proud if you couldn't even draw bath water. I'm proud of you getting into Holy Cross and keep plugging away, But I would be just as proud of you if you got into Lyndon State or Massachusetts Bay Community College where I went. I would be proud if you were still working for the lawyers.

Just being you is enough for me. I love you! (all the way to the moon and back)

Dad. (and I wear this name with pride.)