A Letter to the Person Who Has To Sit Next To Me at Graduation

Hello Fellow Graduate.

I am so deeply sorry that you will be unfortunate enough to be the one who has to sit next to me during graduation. You deserve a medal. A Cookie. And a cake.

I will be grumpy. I hate ceremonies. I hate crowds. I hate attention. I hate school spirit because I don't have any and am so tired of having it shoved down my throat for four years. I also don't really like this school so much, so you know, seeing all the purple pride puts me in a bad mood. Sorry.

I will also be cynically excited that I am finally leaving. All my smiles and excitement will come not from success or nostalgic farewells or any of that. They will be "yes, I'm finally getting out of here, adios bitchachos" smiles. Sorry.

I won't be crying and won't have tolerance for your crying. Sorry.

I will probably mutter things, sigh heavily, roll my eyes, sarcastically laugh/scoff/jeer, and clap as if I'm dying. There will probably be a swear or two as well. Sorry.

So yeah. Sorry you have to put up with this. Like I said, you deserve something delicious and a commemorative badge.

Happy Graduation.

See you in two years,

Me, disgruntled.