To A Future Child,
Here is a list of 25 things I have heard, people I have met, places I've been, and things that I have done or been to me that I hope you will never ever come to know:
1. A person who will weasel their way into your life and pull you apart from the inside out. Pretending to be your friend, they will bring out only the worst in you and leave you so irreparably damaged that you will never trust another soul so freely and so immediately again.
2. The phrase, "Why can't you just be normal?" There is no such thing. The two concepts of perfection and normal are lies, however they want you to be both. You can't be both. You won't be both. And I never want anyone to ever make you feel inferior, worthless, or wrong because of this fact.
3. Stupid. Dumb. Idiot. Words that emphasize all that you can't do mentally.
4. Slow. Weak. Clumsy. Words that emphasize all that you can't do physically.
5. Crazy. Weird. Insane. Words that emphasize all that you can't do emotionally.
6. A person who takes advantage of you and who you are and then gives you nothing in return. They will use you. They will abuse you. They will abandon you.
7. Consider hurting yourself in any way.
8. Sexual harassment. Cat calls, sexist slurs, leering, ogling, objectifying stares, inappropriate and non-consensual touching of your body, name calling, slut- or prude-shaming.
9. "What's wrong with you?" Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.
10. Pressure to be something you are not.
11. Pressure to be with someone you do not want to be with.
12. Pressure to do something you do not want to do.
13. Life-long choices forced on you prematurely. 12 years old, sixteen years old, eighteen years old, twenty one years old. High school. College. Relationships. Careers.
14. Ostracization.
15. In a car with someone who gives you the heeby-jeebies.
16. The the home of someone who gives you the heeby-jeebies.
17. A nursing home.
18. The ICU. The Emergency Room.
19. An ambulance.
20. Locked in the bathroom, crying.
21. Fat. Scrawny. Ugly. Chubby. Chunky. Skinny. Awkward. Bimbo. Barbie. Or any other word that tries to diminish you based on your appearance.
22. Family that holds spite against you.
23. Standards that you have set for yourself that are impossible to reach, even by the most divine.
24. A classroom that is unsafe.
25. A teacher who cannot teach and takes it out on you.
Here is a list of 25 things I have heard, people I have known, places I have been, things I have done and things that have been done to me that I so desperately hope you will know:
1. A teacher who so believes in you, that they transform you into a better person in your intelligence, but also in your maturity, your beliefs, your motivations, you outlook. A teacher who supports you, challenges you, and loves you.
2. The top of a very high place - pyramid, cathedral, skyscraper, bridge, castle.
3. A place of deep history.
4. A friend who so fully accepts you and continues to challenge you every day of your life. A friend who loves you, adores you, brings the best out of you, believes in you, supports you, defends you, fights with you, angers you, frustrates you, makes you cry. A friend who helps you when you need it most, a friend who will drive as long as it takes no matter when it is just to come find you. A friend who will call you out on your mistakes and helps you through them. A friend who is true.
5. The therapists couch.
6. The therapists chair.
7. A classroom where you feel like you can do anything.
8. Create something that is everything you want and everything you need.
9. Beautiful. Confident. Happy. Words that express how you look.
10. Compassionate. Reliable. Loyal. Words that express how you are.
11. Talented. Useful. Intelligent. Words that express what you can do.
12. Family that loves you so deeply. Family that supports you so fully. Family that challenges you always.
13. Chances to make your own decisions.
14. A really good breakdown.
15. A really good loss.
16. A really satisfying victory.
17. Someone who understands you on levels no one else can, on those fundamental levels, and those superficial ones.
18. Someone who will be bring out the wild in you, someone who will balance you.
19. Someone who encourages you to be exactly who you are and who you want to be.
20. A rejection letter.
21. An acceptance letter.
22. Heartbreak and the ultimate experience of eating Ben and Jerry's right out of the container at 2 in the morning with your best friend watching Love Actually and crying. A lot.
23. Reunion.
24. A first kiss that is nothing what you expected but still utterly perfect.
25. A childhood that is free. A childhood that is safe.
With all the hope I can give,
your mother at 20 years of age.
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